Thursday, January 11, 2018

If you want to my journey as a childhood sex abuse survivor

https://theladylocksmith.blogspot.com/

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Thursday, December 27, 2012

it hurts

I know I haven't opened this blog in over a year. First my apologies to all who were waiting for a reply. Second I am so happy and thank-full to find people who are still interested in my story.

I met a lot of people in person during my journey and none of them is still with us. They had same story as me and a lot of others. It hurted, devastated & depressed the living hell in me after I lost the last person late 2011. I decided to stay away and not talk to anyone who's going threw any sickness anymore.

Yes I hardly knew them, but i understood and they understood what we all are going threw. No one will understand what a cancer patient go threw except another cancer patient. There was this sad connection that we shared HODJKIN'S.

What broke my heart most is each and everyone was more then a fighter. Each one fought in different way but the main goal was the same to be cured and go back to be normal. We shared laughs lunches....at the end I found myself alone.

I don't know if I feel guilty or heart broken for all these fighters who lost their war.




Sunday, August 28, 2011

Broke my hand

It have been a while since I blogged .... I had some issues with my brother in law that lead me to punch the kitchen wall instead of his jaw...
It all started in mid may there was a PPV boxing event between MannyPacquiao and Shane Mosley so my best friend in USA "Sam" was throwing a small party to watch the fight and BBQ so he invited me and I said yeah I will be there ... so a week before the fight my brother in law who got married in July who wanted and begged me to be his best man invited me to his birthday party that he is having and to watch the fight... I said that I already told Sam am going to his, then my in law started "oh you are my best man and am getting married in a month or 2 and it is my birthday ..." so I felt guilty and i said OK i will ditch my friend who really got mad at me for flaking on him, now every time we are doing something he tells me not to flake....My wife had to work late that day so she will have the car, I told my in law and his fiancée that I will be taking the VTA light rail to get to the party , they said no they will pick me and my mother in law that day so I was like thank you!!! the PPV starts at 6:00 pm, so the night before I stayed up very late that i woke up around 2:30 pm I was happy because I had time to shower and get ready for the party. My mom in law told me around 3:00 pm that they called earlier at 10:00 am to pick us up... I was like confused because we agreed to the afternoon so I called the fiancée to let her know that I am ready to be picked whenever they have time she said good she will be picking me up around 4:00 pm because she is picking up the egg rolls.....so I waited till 6:00 pm and no one showed up or even called I tried calling no one answered their phones my friend "SAM" called me he was surprised that I am still at home he said the fights started I said I know bro am so pissed I asked what time he think the main event will be at ??? he said there is 2 main events so different weight divisions .... but the main one we wanted to watch was Manual's one. It started at 7:40 pm. He offered to come pick me up so I can make it to his party at least, I said i will call him at 7:20 in case I am ditched... 7:20 is here and no one called me or showed up or answered my phone .... I left a voicemail saying to please don't come pick me up i left the house plus a text msg saying the same....I called my friend to come pick me up so he did and we made it right on time to watch the fight... I appreciate and thank god that I have friend like him who left one of the main events to pick me up so we can enjoy a nice fight together with his family ....I called my wife I told her I will only forgive and talk to her brother in 2 cases, someone died or they were in a car accident... She got mad she thought that I am trying to make problems with her brother who few days earlier started to change because his fiancée's uncle offered to be best man and throw a bachelor party ... I already said we could not afford anything like that I was 8 months without a job and they said they did not care but now things changed. Sam drove me back home, my wife was there and she called her brother's fiancée and asked her why they did not pick me up.... her excuse was she stayed till 7:45 waiting for the egg rolls plus her cell's batteries is dead and his cell phone fell in water... then they hung up... I did not believe that bullshit they did not even apologize to me for ditching me....the next morning my stupid brother in law is on facebook wishing happy mother's day for all the friends and family moms.... not even stopping or sending me a message to my page apologizing to me ....so I went to his page and left him a msg saying i am sorry i can never talk to him again ,i will not be his best man and I wish him best of luck and happiness and i said that he had time to wish happy mother's day to everyone except saying sorry for ditching me...
His reply was his gf lost track of time and did not finish running around till 5:45pm.....
I was really feeling so disrespected why his gf lied yesterday on the phone and said 7:45 that's 2 hrs difference...This is what was happening in my head " what am I a chair in this life??? where is my respect? where I come from we never do shit like this ....My ego like they called me here and I don't care if dignity and self respect to me means ego to the world then am extremely proud of my ego and to hell with anyone who don't like my ego...." SO I PUNCHED THE KITCHEN WALL AND I BROKE MY HAND...
Then my wife understood what just happened and decided she doesn't want to talk to them anymore as well... That is so much for her to give up... I know my baby love that much....
My hand started to swell like crazy so I put some ice packs, I did not realize that my hand is broken and how much the pain was ... It was nothing comparing to the pain I used to get when I had Cancer so my brain thinking was just swelling...The next day we decided that i Might need to get some Xray's so I went to ER at Stanford the lady said this is broken I asked her how did you know she start laughing she said she been in ER long enough to know ....
we done some xray's and my hand was broken they had to put a splint for a week till I see the doctor because they said the hand will swell more for few days...
I seen the doctor a week later and he said it will better if we do a surgery on and put pins for 4 weeks and then another 4 weeks without pins in a cast .... so 2 months here are pictures of my xrays with the pin and me in the cast ....

After the red cast was off I had to keep a removable cast on my hand you can see in the picture below that's when we went camping in July. The camping pictures and stories will be in another blog....

Saturday, April 30, 2011

Housing issues in Beirut

Beirut always been a crowded city. The 300$ 2 bedroom apartment I used to rent is 600$. I left in 2006 paying 300 what happened in 5 years? All my friends , my family and people I know tell me prices are crazy and it is really hard to find an apartment for rent.

People from all over the country in the last 5 years moved to Beirut searching for a job, sending their kids to schools and universities..... Beirut is over crowded I have 4 members of my family facing housing issues.

My Aunt who is stay at home mom and have 2 kids to raise, her husband who work as a guard for the city that doesn't pay him more then 600 or 700$ with all the benefits included. The apartment she live in is 200$ a month she been there for 10 years, now the owner of the place can not afford to keep his second condo so he tell her that by the beginning of May he will let her know if she have to move out. Where is she going to go? with 700$ income a month... Her husband thinking to quite his job and take his family and move to his old family house in the village and start a new life there..." it will be cheaper, we will have a roof over our head and we might be able to survive" he said with so much sadness and disappointment in his voice.

My Cousin who is married and have a new born daughter had to move back in with his mom because he could not pay his rent anymore working 2 jobs a taxi driver at night and a bus driver during the day.

His sister , her husband and 2 babies plus one on the road own the house they live in ( of course there is mortgage) decided to sell the place and move also to man's village so he can keep up with expenses schools, food, water.....

Last but not least my uncle 55 years single man who lived all his life in a small tiny studio, who work as a security guard for 600$ a month. The building owners sold it out and the new owners wants to demolish the old building and they are kicking everyone out with nothing more then couple of thousands ...

If I have 4 family members who are facing this crisis how many other people are in the same situation??? what's the solution??? Beirut does not fit anymore...

Marcel

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Beat the wife that will bring you good luck...

That was the title for an article I read about unusual Easter traditions.

In Czech republic, Hungary and Slovakia, they celebrate Easter on Monday not like the rest of people on Sunday however this is not the weird part.

The weird part is instead of them going to churches to pray. Men and young blood people like me lool... visit their relatives and friends to spank the women ( on their butts) with a branch cut of a willow tree (shajret soufsaf).

The name of this kind of celebration is "BOOMLAZKA"( It is related to the whipping stick that is used symbolically ( I don't think their is any symbolic in this. Their will always be a jerk who will really whoop some one's behind). However this kind of traditions is not celebrated in major cities (only between family member).In villages it is a whole different story people are holding on to it and it also have it own law ( I tried to find the laws but there is no references to it online).

BOOMLAZKA is one of the most important events in the villages because during the celebration men and women alike do not care about social or economical situations of any person. They look at it as a simple way for men to compliment women. Although it includes a lot of gifts for men who do the whooping...(lucky them I guess)

Colored eggs is considered one of the most popular gifts presented by the ladies for men specially between young adults. The reason of gifting eggs is that eggs symbolise life and own some magical powers. For kids it is kind of like hallowen in USA except kids have to perform some good singing to get their candies.

According to this tradition the ladies offer eggs,food, candies and drinks to the whooper and they have to tie a colored piece of clothes to the stick that whooped them. After that they congratulate each other and move on to the next house for some more spanking.

Traditions give the ladies who have been whooped the right to throw frozen water on the whoopers specially in the afternoon of that day to guaranty woman's right to respond and get back to the guys.

Using soft tree branches and throwing water have nothing to do with Easter, it is a welcoming party for spring that happens on Easter Monday day loool.... crazy ...
Willow branches and water are used to transfer mother nature's powers that wake up in spring to the one who got whipped health, beauty and happiness till next year whipping...

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Thank you letter

The word thank you is just a simple expression used to express a feeling of appreciation, gratefulness and acknowledgement of a favor what's so ever. That's how I see it when I am not using it in sarcastic way of course.... I want to thank you all for taking the time to read things I post, even a lot do not like my point of view on things thank you too for reading it. A great thank you for all the people from all over the world not what or where you are for all prayers and support that gave me strength, energy and grown my faith to keep up with my fight against cancer. A special thanks for all the Family in Lebanon, France, Australia and of course here. Thank you for being there whenever I needed something and always supporting me. Big great one for Mom and Dad who do not sleep if I don't call them every other day at least to tell them I am fine.Mom & Dad I love you so much and hope to see you soon. How can I forget the love of my life who stood by me in good and bad times... in happiness and sadness... Who maybe without her in my life I wouldn't be here now... Angie I never got the chance to tell you enough of thank yous and my feelings of appreciation even I say that days and nights will not be enough for all you been threw with me. Thank you my love and God keep you safe and healthy for us. Yours Marcel

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Thursday's dinner









This is one of the few times I make dinner... Thursday was Angie's day off and all day she kept asking me :" what's for dinner?" In the early afternoon she took stakes out. Around 6:30 pm I said I will make dinner it's your day off habibi you sit and relax...



I pulled everything I need from the fridge and the knives,spoons....












As you can see I have potatoes, lemon, cucumber, tomatoes, seasoning salt and a bag of oranges that I have no idea why it is there :).....








I started by seasoning the meat each piece one by one front and back...









After seasoning the meat, I plugged in the awesome grill we have and laid down 2 pieces of this steak at a time...














I squeezed lemon on the steaks after 5 minutes from when they started to cook . The steaks are a bit dry now so it will suck the lemon juice inside the meat which will make the taste sour juicy and Delicious.




While the meat is cooking I started piling the potatoes preparing them to be washed then chopped and washed again. In between piling, chopping, washing potatoes and the frying them, I was flipping the meat inside the grill, moving them to a plate and putting new ones of course squeezing lemon as well... I was multi tasking lol...













Don't forget to always wash your hands after everything you touch :D)All garbage should be thrown in the bag right away ( less mess)... No one likes to clean after they eat a good delicious meal, so what I usually do I apply the rule " Clean As You Go".By the time dinner is ready everything used in the sink is washed and cleaned a quick sweep and map the floor is done, all what I will end up with the plates and the spoons, forks... we used to eat.





Voilà... Bonne Appetite Ma Famille :)