My husbands long journey with Hodgkin's

Broke my hand

2011-08-28T16:56:00.000-07:00

It have been a while since I blogged .... I had some issues with my brother in law that lead me to punch the kitchen wall instead of his jaw...

It all started in mid may there was a PPV boxing event between MannyPacquiao and Shane Mosley so my best friend in USA "Sam" was throwing a small party to watch the fight and BBQ so he invited me and I said yeah I will be there ... so a week before the fight my brother in law who got married in July who wanted and begged me to be his best man invited me to his birthday party that he is having and to watch the fight... I said that I already told Sam am going to his, then my in law started "oh you are my best man and am getting married in a month or 2 and it is my birthday ..." so I felt guilty and i said OK i will ditch my friend who really got mad at me for flaking on him, now every time we are doing something he tells me not to flake....My wife had to work late that day so she will have the car, I told my in law and his fiancée that I will be taking the VTA light rail to get to the party , they said no they will pick me and my mother in law that day so I was like thank you!!! the PPV starts at 6:00 pm, so the night before I stayed up very late that i woke up around 2:30 pm I was happy because I had time to shower and get ready for the party. My mom in law told me around 3:00 pm that they called earlier at 10:00 am to pick us up... I was like confused because we agreed to the afternoon so I called the fiancée to let her know that I am ready to be picked whenever they have time she said good she will be picking me up around 4:00 pm because she is picking up the egg rolls.....so I waited till 6:00 pm and no one showed up or even called I tried calling no one answered their phones my friend "SAM" called me he was surprised that I am still at home he said the fights started I said I know bro am so pissed I asked what time he think the main event will be at ??? he said there is 2 main events so different weight divisions .... but the main one we wanted to watch was Manual's one. It started at 7:40 pm. He offered to come pick me up so I can make it to his party at least, I said i will call him at 7:20 in case I am ditched... 7:20 is here and no one called me or showed up or answered my phone .... I left a voicemail saying to please don't come pick me up i left the house plus a text msg saying the same....I called my friend to come pick me up so he did and we made it right on time to watch the fight... I appreciate and thank god that I have friend like him who left one of the main events to pick me up so we can enjoy a nice fight together with his family ....I called my wife I told her I will only forgive and talk to her brother in 2 cases, someone died or they were in a car accident... She got mad she thought that I am trying to make problems with her brother who few days earlier started to change because his fiancée's uncle offered to be best man and throw a bachelor party ... I already said we could not afford anything like that I was 8 months without a job and they said they did not care but now things changed. Sam drove me back home, my wife was there and she called her brother's fiancée and asked her why they did not pick me up.... her excuse was she stayed till 7:45 waiting for the egg rolls plus her cell's batteries is dead and his cell phone fell in water... then they hung up... I did not believe that bullshit they did not even apologize to me for ditching me....the next morning my stupid brother in law is on facebook wishing happy mother's day for all the friends and family moms.... not even stopping or sending me a message to my page apologizing to me ....so I went to his page and left him a msg saying i am sorry i can never talk to him again ,i will not be his best man and I wish him best of luck and happiness and i said that he had time to wish happy mother's day to everyone except saying sorry for ditching me...

His reply was his gf lost track of time and did not finish running around till 5:45pm.....

I was really feeling so disrespected why his gf lied yesterday on the phone and said 7:45 that's 2 hrs difference...This is what was happening in my head " what am I a chair in this life??? where is my respect? where I come from we never do shit like this ....My ego like they called me here and I don't care if dignity and self respect to me means ego to the world then am extremely proud of my ego and to hell with anyone who don't like my ego...." SO I PUNCHED THE KITCHEN WALL AND I BROKE MY HAND...

Then my wife understood what just happened and decided she doesn't want to talk to them anymore as well... That is so much for her to give up... I know my baby love that much....

My hand started to swell like crazy so I put some ice packs, I did not realize that my hand is broken and how much the pain was ... It was nothing comparing to the pain I used to get when I had Cancer so my brain thinking was just swelling...The next day we decided that i Might need to get some Xray's so I went to ER at Stanford the lady said this is broken I asked her how did you know she start laughing she said she been in ER long enough to know ....

we done some xray's and my hand was broken they had to put a splint for a week till I see the doctor because they said the hand will swell more for few days...

I seen the doctor a week later and he said it will better if we do a surgery on and put pins for 4 weeks and then another 4 weeks without pins in a cast .... so 2 months here are pictures of my xrays with the pin and me in the cast ....

After the red cast was off I had to keep a removable cast on my hand you can see in the picture below that's when we went camping in July. The camping pictures and stories will be in another blog....

Housing issues in Beirut

2011-04-30T13:14:00.000-07:00

Beirut always been a crowded city. The 300$ 2 bedroom apartment I used to rent is 600$. I left in 2006 paying 300 what happened in 5 years? All my friends , my family and people I know tell me prices are crazy and it is really hard to find an apartment for rent.

People from all over the country in the last 5 years moved to Beirut searching for a job, sending their kids to schools and universities..... Beirut is over crowded I have 4 members of my family facing housing issues.

My Aunt who is stay at home mom and have 2 kids to raise, her husband who work as a guard for the city that doesn't pay him more then 600 or 700$ with all the benefits included. The apartment she live in is 200$ a month she been there for 10 years, now the owner of the place can not afford to keep his second condo so he tell her that by the beginning of May he will let her know if she have to move out. Where is she going to go? with 700$ income a month... Her husband thinking to quite his job and take his family and move to his old family house in the village and start a new life there..." it will be cheaper, we will have a roof over our head and we might be able to survive" he said with so much sadness and disappointment in his voice.

My Cousin who is married and have a new born daughter had to move back in with his mom because he could not pay his rent anymore working 2 jobs a taxi driver at night and a bus driver during the day.

His sister , her husband and 2 babies plus one on the road own the house they live in ( of course there is mortgage) decided to sell the place and move also to man's village so he can keep up with expenses schools, food, water.....

Last but not least my uncle 55 years single man who lived all his life in a small tiny studio, who work as a security guard for 600$ a month. The building owners sold it out and the new owners wants to demolish the old building and they are kicking everyone out with nothing more then couple of thousands ...

If I have 4 family members who are facing this crisis how many other people are in the same situation??? what's the solution??? Beirut does not fit anymore...

Marcel

Beat the wife that will bring you good luck...

2011-04-26T12:32:00.000-07:00

That was the title for an article I read about unusual Easter traditions.

In Czech republic, Hungary and Slovakia, they celebrate Easter on Monday not like the rest of people on Sunday however this is not the weird part.

The weird part is instead of them going to churches to pray. Men and young blood people like me lool... visit their relatives and friends to spank the women ( on their butts) with a branch cut of a willow tree (shajret soufsaf).

The name of this kind of celebration is "BOOMLAZKA"( It is related to the whipping stick that is used symbolically ( I don't think their is any symbolic in this. Their will always be a jerk who will really whoop some one's behind). However this kind of traditions is not celebrated in major cities (only between family member).In villages it is a whole different story people are holding on to it and it also have it own law ( I tried to find the laws but there is no references to it online).

BOOMLAZKA is one of the most important events in the villages because during the celebration men and women alike do not care about social or economical situations of any person. They look at it as a simple way for men to compliment women. Although it includes a lot of gifts for men who do the whooping...(lucky them I guess)

Colored eggs is considered one of the most popular gifts presented by the ladies for men specially between young adults. The reason of gifting eggs is that eggs symbolise life and own some magical powers. For kids it is kind of like hallowen in USA except kids have to perform some good singing to get their candies.

According to this tradition the ladies offer eggs,food, candies and drinks to the whooper and they have to tie a colored piece of clothes to the stick that whooped them. After that they congratulate each other and move on to the next house for some more spanking.

Traditions give the ladies who have been whooped the right to throw frozen water on the whoopers specially in the afternoon of that day to guaranty woman's right to respond and get back to the guys.

Using soft tree branches and throwing water have nothing to do with Easter, it is a welcoming party for spring that happens on Easter Monday day loool.... crazy ...
Willow branches and water are used to transfer mother nature's powers that wake up in spring to the one who got whipped health, beauty and happiness till next year whipping...

Thank you letter

2011-04-16T20:29:00.000-07:00

The word thank you is just a simple expression used to express a feeling of appreciation, gratefulness and acknowledgement of a favor what's so ever. That's how I see it when I am not using it in sarcastic way of course.... I want to thank you all for taking the time to read things I post, even a lot do not like my point of view on things thank you too for reading it. A great thank you for all the people from all over the world not what or where you are for all prayers and support that gave me strength, energy and grown my faith to keep up with my fight against cancer. A special thanks for all the Family in Lebanon, France, Australia and of course here. Thank you for being there whenever I needed something and always supporting me. Big great one for Mom and Dad who do not sleep if I don't call them every other day at least to tell them I am fine.Mom & Dad I love you so much and hope to see you soon. How can I forget the love of my life who stood by me in good and bad times... in happiness and sadness... Who maybe without her in my life I wouldn't be here now... Angie I never got the chance to tell you enough of thank yous and my feelings of appreciation even I say that days and nights will not be enough for all you been threw with me. Thank you my love and God keep you safe and healthy for us. Yours Marcel

Thursday's dinner

2011-04-09T11:11:00.000-07:00

This is one of the few times I make dinner... Thursday was Angie's day off and all day she kept asking me :" what's for dinner?" In the early afternoon she took stakes out. Around 6:30 pm I said I will make dinner it's your day off habibi you sit and relax...

I pulled everything I need from the fridge and the knives,spoons....

As you can see I have potatoes, lemon, cucumber, tomatoes, seasoning salt and a bag of oranges that I have no idea why it is there :).....

I started by seasoning the meat each piece one by one front and back...

After seasoning the meat, I plugged in the awesome grill we have and laid down 2 pieces of this steak at a time...

I squeezed lemon on the steaks after 5 minutes from when they started to cook . The steaks are a bit dry now so it will suck the lemon juice inside the meat which will make the taste sour juicy and Delicious.

While the meat is cooking I started piling the potatoes preparing them to be washed then chopped and washed again. In between piling, chopping, washing potatoes and the frying them, I was flipping the meat inside the grill, moving them to a plate and putting new ones of course squeezing lemon as well... I was multi tasking lol...

Don't forget to always wash your hands after everything you touch :D)All garbage should be thrown in the bag right away ( less mess)... No one likes to clean after they eat a good delicious meal, so what I usually do I apply the rule " Clean As You Go".By the time dinner is ready everything used in the sink is washed and cleaned a quick sweep and map the floor is done, all what I will end up with the plates and the spoons, forks... we used to eat.

Voilà... Bonne Appetite Ma Famille :)

Facing Death

2011-04-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

Death is the most scary word to some people and it is nothing to others... I am sure all of us faced death or lived a near death experience once at least one time in our life time... To me death is nothing to be scared off, maybe I am born that way or spending my first 10 years in life facing death each and every single second of them. Yes that's how your life is when you are born in a war, 10 years facing death I learned how to not be scared and accept the idea that I could be living my last seconds of every ticking minute. So the more seconds I have to live the more appreciative and thankful I get. During the war I was not scared to die but I was freaked out on my family my mom, my brother and specially my dad who was fighting on the most brutal fire lines... Every time that man left the house and us to go help ,support and direct on how to hold the place together, (his friends Called him Captain) I was expecting him to come back in a body bag... I know it is sad but that stuff happened to a lot of my friends, I had to adjust to the idea that my dad could one day come home in a body bag... Thank God every minute that my dad made it out of the war in one piece just missing some teeth and a lot of white hair......

So 3 years after the war ends we adjusted to the new life however things are not yet normal but there was no bombing... I get on the Attic to get some old boxes down, the cable for bulb that lights the Attic have no plastic cover and the light is on. I was crolling back and my elbow touched it , new electricity system was installed one week before changed the voltage from 110w to 220w ... I seen death again i was screaming and yelling and crying i came down everybody looking at me sweating like I had just finished sprinting 2 miles I said that I got shocked from the cable. It was fixed after I almost lost my life....

I was 16 years old when I bought my first motorcycle, I will not tell all the stories but you can imagine the accidents and the slides I got into on regular basis. at the age of 19 I lost my front teeth kissing a truck's behind. After that I promised my mom and dad that I will not buy or drive again and since the I have ride a couple but I did not drive any....

I lived an ok life from 19 till 22 that did not involve me getting killed but I got hurt a little hehehe....

So here come my 23rd Bday and I have been already a guest of St Joseph hospital (Dora, Beirut Lebanon) for 13 days blood testing, Biopsies on multiple organs and of course who can forget scanners of all kind... Here come Dr. Katan (Blood cancer specialist) congratulating me on having Cancer ( Hodgkin's Lymphoma) he said it is curable u will be fine in 6 month he damn guarantied it bla bla bla....Anyway I over heard that my life in danger and if I stayed without hospital I would of been dead in 2 weeks period... I start laughing everyone thought I lost my mind I said no one die before his "Lamp Is Empty From Oil" .

Grand pa bless his soul told me a story about him being a kid and how he got really sick and seen St Joseph in his dream giving him oil to go fill his lamp that the light was barely lit and how he woke up immediately after pouring the oil so refreshed like he had nothing... I keep laughing because no matter what we do , what we try to do to hide from Death , Death will always find us and remind us that hey I am here... People can not cheat Death, It is just Death reminding them of his existence by allowing them to get near him... Since then and I restored the every second could be my last mode there for am not scared from death that does not mean I am fearless..I am scared if I die what will happen to the people who will loose their minds ( My wife and My Mom) The 2 of them are the most important thing in my life.

Thanks for reading the craziest shit that goes threw my head in any normal day :)

Marcel

CNN Unwelcome: Muslims Next Door Soledad O'Brien

2011-03-29T10:56:00.000-07:00

It was very interesting to watch and very shocking to see the ignorance of some people. I am not representing anyone and I do not have hate for anyone... I am Lebanese Maronite who follow the Vatican as the head of the church. I have friends from all over the world and from all different religion... This is just my point of view and comments on the report. Very nice introduction about how the citizens of Murfreesboro Tennessee are very welcoming very lovable and it is the people who are saying that are the same ones who are making a big issue over building the Islamic center. At the beginning these people are arguing and refusing without even know what is the site gonna be for. It is a big site however a small part is gonna be a mosque the rest are a school a soccer field a pool.... doesn't that exist in every community center regardless of the religion or who is running the center.... 1:30 The Muslim girl herself said " no matter what religion what race you are the people are so welcoming". So basically people had no issues they lived the American life normally until the new mosque plans came up. Did the people who are opposing even ask any questions before they start their rejection? we will get to that part later. 1: 43 104000 citizens more then 140 church and 1 mosque for over 200 Muslim family. The numbers says it all. 2:32 Kevin fisher a correction officer... This is a religious man... He said 2:56 " outraged, shoved down our throat know nothing about it." Since when the united states officials give a permit to a construction site that need the whole town approval? 3:18 The public hearing... few residence complain about the lack of hearing about the mosque plans. This is a very small town comparing to others. I do not think that there is lack of hearing. The lack that exist is the knowledge about the Islamic religion. One educated person (how educated is he to have no Knowledge) said OMG Islamic center terrorist and all the town followed him without any questioning. 3:32 This woman saying " everybody knows who is trying to kill us... it is like we can't say it"... This is a shocking statement if everybody knows who is trying to kill us why don't everybody kill them then? BECAUSE YOU ARE IGNORANT AND YOU JUST FOLLOW WHAT YOU HEAR... How you can't say it when you are on international TV in a court room saying it???? if she knows who is trying to kill us, I would like her to be prosecuted for holding important information about our National security and safety.... 3:41 this lady says " our country was founded threw the founding fathers threw the TRUE GOD AND JESUS CHRIST" followed by a gentleman "am sorry they seem to be against everything I believe in so I don't want them necessarily in my neighborhood..." To the lady if you know you country's history you know it was founded on 120 Million dead native American... Look at the dollar bills it says "IN GOD WE TRUST" "what happened to one nation under God" and what do you mean by TRUE GOD ? You think Muslims and Jews and Christians each have a different God? here is some enlightening on your knowledge we all pray FOR THE SAME GOD IN DIFFERENT WAYS. For the gentleman this is USA where you are free to believe in what ever you want. No one have the right to question my believes. Do you own the town to decide who you want or you don't want in your neighborhood? I know everyone wants to have a good nice neighborhood but you can not choose who your neighbors are..... FREEDOM OF SPEECH AND BELIEVES.... 3:20 we are discussing USA matter why many people are holding the Israeli flag while protesting? This is USA not Jerusalem..... I think they are trying to create a conflict between Muslims and Jews over here... WE ALL CAME TO USA TO BECOME NEIGHBORS AND TO ESCAPE ALL THE BULLSHIT AND WARS IN MIDDLE EAST... we came here to not be judged based on our religions, but to establish good relationship and chase the American dream. We did not see any flags besides the American flag when the supporters marched. 4:50 Sally and Howard wall (Sally have more then one appearance in the report I will just mention her now.) Sally said she traveled a lot she have Muslims friends. She have fears and questions. Instead of putting her efforts in getting answers for her questions, she help fund the law suit against the mosque.Get answer save your money... That money could help a lot of people who are in need these hard times.... Mr. Howard seems more diplomatic he posed his questions" why not to build a smaller mosque?" " 200 families how they gonna pay for it?" "when we expended our church we are still paying for it" He is right in posing these questions.But why he is asking the reporter not the management of the mosque? 5:51 Ronald Todd he sold the land and now he is saying " his grand parents are turning over in their grave because the land is used to build a mosque" This guy is like the Palastians who sold their lands for Israeli and now they want them back. Why did you sell in the first place? Your grand parents are blessed because they gonna have people praying over them at least 5 times a day???? where is the harm??? Like everyone before him and after him in this report kept saying they pray for a different GOD..... 6:20 LLauren Zelneck who ran for congress... It is not Christians it is not Jews who are building? isn't that racist? that's all I have to say for a suposebly educated person to be able to run for congress... Is this the congress we want built on people who are being racist??? 6:43 pet Robertson "Strange place for a huge mosque.... bringing in 1000's of Muslims to take over the city council he will not be surprised" this is a very good point of view... Again am not accusing the Muslims who live there of being terrorists, we all know there is sleeping cells everywhere we all know the danger and the threat that many Extremist have for USA.... 7:00 a member of the mosque put a picture for hammas leader he was banned for 2 months from the mosque.... That is not enough that person should be reported and monitored by the authorities... 7:34 people marching and supporting the mosque... Those people are mixed those people are showing that YES WE CAN ALL LIVE TOGETHER IN PEACE.... The young girl said they are supporting the first commandments to worship the way they like...Now that's democracy and freedom of speech and believes. 8:05 a gentleman is yelling " I don't say to hate them, I say we don't need them here" I don't get it. Who put you in charge sir of who we are supposed to have or not have in USA. 8:35 assuming this man is a war hero who been there fighting...where there? who was he fighting? Isn't he raised in that people loving town? doesn't he know the loving and welcoming morals he was raised on that we mentioned in the beginning? Very shocking all the signs in the report " is America for sale?" 8:51 "TO EMBRACE ISLAM IS TO EMBRACE TERRORISM" who said the Islamic religion is based on killing and terrorising others? 9:00 this guy " this is training center..." what the hell training center for what? all what it have is a soccer field, a school, a tennis court and a swimming pool and mosque to pray.... 9:10 Salah Spenati "to label all Muslims and the Muslims community in Murfreesboro to the terrorist is nonsense" " one of the most beautiful city in USA people over here are extremely hospitable." How this lovely town turned upside down after he lived and felt welcomed there for over 20 years??? Salah said that he understand the fear that people have for their country... His family said they always felt welcomed and a part of the own community even after 9/11 people approached them and told them to not be scared and to not worry because they will not treat them always the same and people have not changed.... That was very kind and nice and no words can explain the beauty and the good feelings of those moments where you think you will be hated and bullied for something you have nothing to do with this warm and welcoming and understanding to the situation shows the beauty, the respect and the manners that Murfreesboro citizens have. 10:35 Since 1980 and the mosque they had to pray and worship THE SAME GOD that we all pray for was a small one bedroom apartment... If you watch that part you will see people are on side walks and in the parking lot trying to pray and participating in worshiping GOD... Is this fair/? there is 140 churches is it so much to ask for a bigger mosque to warship GOD? 11:23 The Imam answered the question Mr. Howard wall about where the money is coming from and it shows the plans for the mosque ... Look at the plans it is not a 53000 squares mosque... It is a more like a community center.... 13:13 The "not welcome" on the site sign... Is this freedom of speech? is this democracy to go destroy others properties? what would they do if someone went and wrote on a church you are not welcome? I am not blaming anyone and I pray that this incident is just one person's job not more... If this is an organized crime behind it, this incident will open doors that we do not need to be opened... 14:30 Imam Oussama can not answer the fear of Muslims and there questions about why? and who? 15:30 The imam's wife explain how she converted to Islams shortly after 9/11... She did what all others should do ( am not saying convert to Islam) She picked up a book and then another and then another till she understood the religion, she likes it she believed in it that's why she convert. She was brave to come forward and says she is born and raised as an American all her life... 16:30 the constructions started by leveling the land... The imam was very smart when he was asked why not to make a celebration... he said he do not want to aggravate the people's feelings... I am sure he meant the people who are opposing them. That shows the respect, the care and the efforts to be accepted by others. All the rest is just point of views for kevin fisher and what he is worried about... water , traffic .... The reporter asked him " how much of it you don't want a mosque" he totally answered out of subject " he said they have the right to worship how they see fit" excuse me sir but are you fighting yourself? one minute you don't want the mosque and you lead protesters and march in the streets and one minute they can worship how they fit?... I am sorry but this guy have some unanswered questions " will burying bodies without a casquettes affect the water and the soil?" the lamest excuse " traffic on the back roads" well come check out the traffic we have everyday on 6 lanes HWY that is jammed just because people trying to get to work... 18:22 the disturbing voice mails that I will not comment at just because they are on the most lower pathetic scale of manners and morals that prevent me from going down to that low self respect and hate based level. 19:20 A call from the police in a late night in August informing that the equipment are damaged by a fire...It breaks my heart to see hard working American citizen who love this country and will defend it to the last drop of blood to be standing and crying because of the way that they are treated and the damages they received.... If that fire in the constructions equipements is not a terrorism act I don't know what is a terorrism act anymore. 22:30 Officials offered 20000$ reward for anyone who will lead to arrest the one or ones who set the fire... That is a very nice move and very strong...In order to keep order and not apply the jungle law....20000$ is a big reward ... that shows the support and the protection of authorities for this Muslim community. 23:00 Sally wall:" It didn't make sense to me""honestly i think it is fake." .... what kind of a human being would damage his own property and cause a delay in constructions just to accuse you and your group of it? why would the muslims do that? for what reason? what good they will get? You don't know the morals the manners the respect the not hurting anybody specialy when a holy site is being built.... I respect your opinion but it doesn't make sense when you say oh they are trying to get people on their side. There is a lot of people on their side most likely the majority is on their side... are you saying the majority is wrong? or the court that you funded the law suit that lost against the mosque is wrong? 24:40 Lama said clearly she is not any different from any kid in the town except she was born patriotic American Muslim and 9/11 her religion was hijacked by extremest" I thought that was a good speech to represent herself. However mr Fisher had a very shocking response " I can not listen any more this is garbage" Really are you kidding me.... if this is garbage and you do not respect others opinion and speeches why should anyone listen to you ? where is the freedom of speech and the respect of the freedom of speech that you and your group chant?..... In the beginning of the report I had respect for this man because he had unanswered questions and fear for his way of living which is totally understandable ... now he doesn't want his questions answered and he say it is garbage.... so basically sir you are nothing more then a closed minded ignorant person who follow and do whatever he is told whether is right or wrong. ( I am not judging him am just giving my opinion.) 25:22 Mrs Zelnec ( the lady that run for congress) facing Ms. LAMA in front of cameras... Please watch this part it shows how disrespectful and racist Mrs. zelnec is. What kind of politics this woman run? she did not answer LAMA she felt trapped and she start being so arrogant about her interview and how the reporters should interview LAMA, and what does mrs Zelnec mean by saying she think LAMA is very important and she should finish the interview ? Lama is born and raised in Murfreesboro wich make her a member of that community and she is important as anyone including yourself Mrs Zelnec ( FREEDOM OF SPEECH)... what kind of a candidate is that? you can not answer and say the truth in front of millions watching you... I am sorry MRS Zelnec with all do respect there is no shariia law that run in this country...(I will continue this at the end). The last part of report is about the law suit that Mr. Fisher and 3 other members filled to block immediatly the constructions. so he says this lawsuit is to investigate this group and see were they stand...However I didn't see any part in the law suit that asked these questions... what is that called? In my opinion " FALSE ADVERTISEMENT" hehehehe.... 27:15 Joe Brandon The opposition lawyer quickly turned the argument to the facility is not a religious center based on the Islam is not a religion...Excuse me there is over 200 countries in the world that says and agrees and doesn't doubt that Islam is a religion...Now again I respect your opinion but I suggest you do more researches on Islam.... All the witnesses in this trial were people who do not know a lot and details about the Islamic religion. Mr. Brandon questions does not make any sense specially when he asked about blowing yourself up and getting 71 virgins for it... the most thing that triggered me is when asked " is Allah and God are the same?" First of all sir you are an educated lawyer it is so lame from your side to asked this kind of questions, where did you get your education from? how do you go to court and make a fool of yourself on national Tv by asking stupid uneducated backwards questions.... 29:40 they show and compare issues from Europe how they banned the veil in France... and how 2 mosques are burned ..... Sad stories. All what I seen in this report is a party who wants to build a community center and party that oppose. The sad part is these 2 parties are fighting without any diplomatic civilised solutions. The people who are against the Islamic center Have questions and fear and alot of them have no idea about the true Islam... The fear and the questions they have can not be ignored. We all know that we live in times where religion is a cover for terrorist organizations and we have all the right to question every single detail. On the other hand I know what people think and believe based on what they see on TV. You never see a good uplifting report about Islam on TV. What do you expect from American people who never been outside USA who never been mixed in a different culture to understand what is Islam and all what they see on Tv is terrorist killing American soldiers and people bombing themselves and men stoning women to death, people loosing their parts of their body because they shoplift.Those things that we see on Tv are not everything why there is not even one report about the good side of Islams and the good Islams that are trying to be free from the extremest regimes. Did you ever stop and asked why Muslims and Christians flee their countries to come to USA? Because of freedom of speech because of freedom of believes because we can practice freedom without loosing any part of our bodies. In that report people kept repeating the same story " shariia law" ... This shariaa law can not be applied in USA if a man beat his wife and she call cops wouldn't he be arrested? isn't there Americans none Muslims who beats there wives? Since when USA make laws or approve of laws based on religions? Why keep comparing Muslims who are born and raised as American citezens who proudly love this country to Extremest in Afghanistan and Iran and Iraq??? Again those people escaped the extremest regime to be in a none extremist where everybody is treated the same. We can not judge a book by it is cover as we can not throw away a bucket of grapes because it had few bad pieces in it... My point is I do know for a fact that the terror danger is always there, sleeping cells do exist however we can not compare or put everyone in same box for a simple fact look at your hand and tell me if all your fingers look or act the same.... Terorism is not just people straping themselves with explosive and killing others , it is not only the people who do side roads bombs... Terrorism is the act of hurting and damaging others and their propreties. It is not okay to take a vers from the any of the 3 holly books and translated the way you want simple exemple the vers the sheikh said to Leonardo decaprio in the movie body of lies " don't think who died in God's name are dead" he was justifying the murder of innocent people... That is twisted that vers simply mean if you are prosecuted and died because you belive in God you will have a place in havean...God did not say kill innocent people in my name and don't worry because they will have a place in haven.... that makes no sense if there is a bad person who happened to die in the explosion or whatever does that mean they forgiven for their sins? The extremist took small versus from the holly book and twisted it to justify and brain wash poor uneducated people. This happens in every religion there is always someone who explain things the way they like and there you go, you have followers based on a twisted theries that does not make sense to us but it make sense to uneducated person. These 2 parties fighting without sitting together and discussing the issue. The 2 parties are wrong. I suggest to bring down everyone and do an educational session about the good of this islamic center that contains nothing more then a pool, a soccer field and a school.... I don't see any training facilties for extremest.... The center can be monitored by authorites for all activites and programs they have wich will bring peace to the people who have fear, a complete background check of all members should be acceptable do not forget we are still in danger of sleeping cells who try to invade the good people and the good community. Please sit down all together and discuss concerns without being hateful and ignorant ( please reseach for information in books and online Google it is so simple) Do not say muslims pray for a different God and bring in shariia law issues because in USA everyone is under the same law) ... diplomacy and discussing matters without accusation and ignorance is the key to any modern sociaty... We are all ONE NATION UNDER GOD. PS: I tried a lot to fix the format but when I click publish is get all mixed together I have no idea why... Thanks for reading Marcel

My dreams that crashed

2011-03-26T10:25:00.000-07:00

Every new born baby the minute he starts walking and talking the main question that everybody always asks is " what you want to be when you grow up?", my answer was I want to be a jet fighter pilot. I have always been amazed and fascinated by the fighters jets, I would spend hours watching documentaries on TV and read magazines about jets and what is the latest technologies... It's almost the end of the war and I was around 8 or 9 my grand pa(god bless his soul) told me that someone stole the Mirages (french made fighter) that the army had and sold them to Cypress... I was devastated frustrated how is this possible what about me? what about my dream.... I start crying and I got depressed... How could they crush my Dream???? I never new who did it, but I knew why they did it... It's called GREED.

After that dream of becoming a pilot is doomed, I shifted my focus on sports specially football know as soccer in USA... I had to wear hip braces till I was 7 years old, no physical activity was allowed till that age. When I was born the doctor moved my leg bone from my hip so I had to wear braces around my hips. Not at school only at home. So it have been a year since i can slowly run and do some activity... I start falling in love with the game the years go by and I can run a bit faster I am able to stand up for a long time and best of all I am playing awesome on the defensing line so at 12 years old I joined the school team...Doing good looks like I have a nice future doing something I like..... When I was around 15 I asked about wages for soccer players to get an idea how rich i will be hehehehe..... It turned out they make 300$ plus bonuses if they win a game and the most sad part is they have to get a second full time job to be able to support a family : how sad is that ???? Another hurtful news I am tired of chasing dreams that does not come true... I do Believe and I always said this :" Everything begins with a dream" ....

After all I graduated from college with MIS degree I speak read write 3 different languages which is normal in Lebanon but here in USA it is amazing if you can do that....After College I wanted to get a BA in MIS so I went to a university to finish the 2 years and get my BA... I got sick ... I kept going...I was 30 credit away from graduating which is 6 months... 2006 War started I came here to USA.... My BA dream crashed for now ... It will cost me 35000$ to finish my BA plus I have to do the last 2 years all over again....

Lots of people are in situations like that... I will keep dreaming because if there is no dream there is no purpose to live...
Marcel

My sleep walking friend

2011-03-22T13:51:00.000-07:00

I spent 15 years of my life as a boy scout.... every year we go camping at least 3 times a year 3 days in Xmas vacation 3 days in Easter's one and 12 to 15 days in summer...
so this is my 4Th year in scouts and here come the exciting summer camp... we had these new kids new recruits first time camping... so they put this new kid in my team ... I was sleeping and out of no where this new kid step on me and kept going so I yell at him where you going? he says "I am going with my dad to the market" at first i thought he was being silly he probably need to go pee or he need some water or something... but i seen him standing in front of the tent door I asked him : "are you ok?" he was like yeah "I am waiting for my dad to come pick me up" I was in complete shock because i realised that the kid is so damn serious about it .... I got up and run around 300 feet to the next tent where his older brother is ... I got there out of breath and woke up everyone sleeping in that tent i was like maaaaan you brother is crazy or is he on pills or some shit? he said no why ? looking at me like i am crazy ... i start screaming " he is freakin waiting for your dad to come pick him up to go to the damn market in middle of no where" he start laughing he said his brother sleep walk every night he have some disease in his eyes so he were a really thick glasses poor kid...I was like he is not gonna kill us one night right? hehehe everyone laughed... so i went back and told the kid to go wait inside the tent before he get hit by a bus or a car passing by loool.... That may sound mean but it is hella funny...Another night I woke up around 2:30 am and found him sitting in the corner of the tent his legs are crossed raped with his arm shaking and staring , I asked are you ok? he said "no, I lost my glasses and I am blind as a Bat without them... I start laughing he said why you laughing ... I asked " can you see me?" he said yeah ... I told him his glasses are on his face.....he start thanking me calling me a hero ....Another funny story we woke up one night hearing screams for help we looked around that kid is missing... and he was yelling down far in the Forrest for help... it took us 35 minutes to find him because he shut up for 10 minutes and then start yelling again so we kept loosing the sound to track him. Finlay we found him bare feet ....how on earth could a human being walk on rocks and broken branches shoeless? we made walk all the way back hehehe .... The next day he have no idea so it was ok to have fun because what he doesn't know will not hurt him hehehehe......

PS: I used the word kid a lot not to be mean or disrespectful i just thought he might not like me using his real name

I only had one incident were I slept walk. I was around 7 or 8 years old i woke up in the morning walked to the living room , everyone is having there morning coffee then out of no where grand pa see me and start cursing up and down the man was firing at me from god's towers sun of bing sun of bong sun of bang...... I thought the man is crazy or lost his mind.... It turned out that at night I sleep walked to the kitchen grabbed a bucket of plumbs have around 15 in it then walked to my grand pa's bedroom and started to throw the plumbs at him while he was sleeping, when the bucket was empty i walked back to kitchen and put the empty bucket in fridge and went back to bed.... how crazy is that story i did not believe what they told me till i went to grand pa's room and seen all the plumbs splashed everywhere... Grand pa did not allow anyone to clean it he said it's my mess I clean it so i spent my Saturday cleaning and scrubbing grandpa's room.

Marcel

Why I will not go back to Lebanon...

2011-03-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

Most my family and my friends keep bugging me to go back to live in Lebanon... I keep telling them no for a lot of reasons:

* My health condition is a major issue. How can I go back to Lebanon and my first 2 weeks in the hospital coasted around 10000$ out of pocket" Thanks to Société Géneral Bank of Lebanon " who helped us to pay that bill, my dad works as a security guard there. every other week a blood work coasted us around 50$ then the treatments each 15 days 100$. According to the cost of living and wages those ammounts are a lot. my dad makes around 600$ a month....
The point is i probably die on the hospital door before we can afford to admit me.....

*It was very hard to keep up with all expenses river's school at least 6000$ a year between books, uniforms and tuition... yes my friends to get an education in Lebanon it cost a lot of money...

* I graduated from college with MIS ( Management Information System) 2 years i stayed looking for a job lots of interviews but I have no buddy in the higher classes to recommends me... I was told unless I know someone big I will never get a job. Here I was hired for my skills not because i know someone with "Big Balls".....

* Here we have furniture not only a couch during the day a bed during the night... yes we are in deep financial troubles however we are able to manage... It's hard but we will pass it.

* I can walk down the street in CA yelling I hate the president no one can tell me anything ... it's called freedom of speech (not that i hate the president hehehe am just giving an example), in Lebanon hell would break loose you will go to jail and get beat .... I know at least 200 person who been beat and hurt and disabled from the brutal beating just because they said what they thought about the government that was controlled by a Syrian officer his headquarter was Anjar in Bekka valley back then.....

* How can I go back to a country where people cross red lights like there's only them on the road , most accidents are caused by TAXI drivers, they cut you off with no signal the just break in front of you out of nowhere. Were 1 person drive over 2 lanes instead of sharing the road, if you ask them why they tell you because they can they will not get in trouble because they know some high ranks police officers who will bail them out with nothing nor bad records.

I love to be free and I will always...

Family Friends I will visit you all but I AM NOT MOVING BACK TO LIVE IN LEBANON ANYTIME SOON...

Marcel

Me and the airports

2011-03-15T00:50:00.000-07:00

As you all know am Lebanese and am a resident of California (soon to be Citizen and so proud and excited about it). So when I fly internationally I use my Lebanese passport. Always my tickets get stamped with letters like "SSSS" or some weird stuff so when I am checking in to get to the gate for my flight at San Fransisco international airport the security see my tickets and there you go "am randomly selected " to be searched.... 3 or 4 times same story " Randomly selected" the first year went by and I got my CA driver 's license so when we start flying domestic I used my DL what a shock I am never "Randomly selected"... I went to Lebanon in 2008 of course using my Lebanese passport and of course I am "Randomly selected".... I mean come on give me a break I would like for once in my life time that the security to be honest with me and tell me "Sir, you have a Lebanese passport, that's why we are searching you".... I will be more then happy because I understand they are worrying about every one's safety including mine. Am not saying that Lebanese are terrorist please do not miss understand my point of view.
Thanks
Marcel

My SGN35 experience

2011-03-08T14:55:00.000-08:00

Let me start briefly to how I ended up on this trial.
I already had 2 bone marrow transplants (1 auto, 1 allo; cells from my little brother)…had every chemo(ABVD, ICE, and many more I can't remember their names)…and even chemo’s created for me by Hodgkin’s specialist Dr. Sandra Horning ( she called them special cocktail for Marcel) hehehe.

I was taking immunosuppressant’s after my second BMT high doses of Gengraff and the trial was gonna start soon. So one of the fellow (Dr. Logan )who was new on my case in one week he took me off Gengraff. 2weeks go by i have no side effects. However in the few month earlier starting around November 2009 water was piling up in my chest. I only use 60% of my lungs already because the tumor pressed on my lungs and shut 40% off permanently. in April before I start the SGN35 trial a PET scan must be done so we can keep track of any progress of growth...I was really tired, exhausted, I can could hardly talk or walk. Shortness of breath even when I talk. I coughed till I threw up 3 to 4 times a day all what came out was just water. I thought that's it these are my last days. We went me and Angie to see Dr.Logan and i told him "man I think I am really sick and dying". He laughed and told me that the scan showed my right lung is under water so I was living on half a lung since my left one is more damaged from the old tumor. He said" man if you could tolerate that for all these months SGN35 will be a cake walk for you". Me and Angie were so happy i got admitted to same day for one night. They drained a water bottle that fit 1000 ML and big syringe that fit 350 ml. All that came out from my back with a big tall needle around 10 inches long anyway the next morning I did and Xray that showed there is no more water it was all drained. I left the hospital immediately I noticed that Ican breath walk talk hell even ran to the car but got exhausted.. I think I over did it loool.

I met with trial manager, she explained to me about the SGN35 trial and how this was the third year only, there is only 20 patients at Stanford and 20 at a hospital in Texas. I have to admit I prayed harder then ever to be able to get on this trial. With all the issues that was in my way when the time came I was ready.
She said it was able to put 70 to 75% of hard cases like mine in remission. I felt really blessed to be a part of something could be a cure finally. She told me the side effects that could happen, loss of weight, nausea, muscle ache , tingling in hands and legs...I was really excited that there is no new side effects because most times all what I got is nausea...

The first 3 treatments was the most awefull. First time the hook up small machine kind of like EKG to record the heart beats and activity for 2 hours. I could not even get on my Ipod because it interfere with the machine. 2 hrs went by i got the treatment 30 minutes IV. Then another 2 hrs of heart monitoring. I couldn't believe the minute they let me go home.6 days after the treatments i start feeling some cramps in my right thigh muscle. Not sever ones for few days and it was gone.

Second one was OK all what I had to do was some blood work check with my Dr. and am good for second round same issue happened again after 6 days from the treatment.

Third treatment was the same routine as the first one. I stayed up most of the night before so i could sleep those boring hours of monitoring.

Every 3 treatments I had to do a PET scan. The results were amazing the tumors a completely shrank only a small tiny shadow is showing. They said could be a scare tissue. From previous experiences when they tell me a scare tissue usually turns to tumors later. The doctor suggested to keep on going with the schedule and treatments since there is no side effects and to be more secure.

All the rest of the treatments had Heart monitoring for 2 minutes only. But is sucks because a middle eastern guy like me who chest hair is a problem. They had to shave spots only so they can stick those wire.

at treatment 5 I start feeling a small amount of numbness and tingling in my left hand. I report to the doctor she asked if i can write and button up my shirt pants, tie my shoe laces... I said "yeah I am able to do all those", she said ok for round five.

Round 6 was ok but the numbness and tingling is getting a little bit worst my left hand is always num 24/7 and my arm is getting numb in 2 sometimes 3 fingers. But still I was stubborn enough to take round 6.

A new pet scan is due. I feel so good so energetic so happy that the treatments is working. The result were "THE SCAN DID NOT SHOW ANY ACTIVITY AT ALL" I did not cry in front of the doctor I waited till I drove back home then it hit me. After 4 and half years of brutal fights finally for the first time ever there is nothing it is gone no scare tissue no nothing.Cars who stopped next to me on the lights were asking "are you ok?" what you would think a healthy looking man on the outside, music blasting like crazy ,windows down sun roof open on a nice sunny day CRYING??!?!?!? I just smiled and said I beated Cancer for real this time.

Treatment 7 and 8 my hands got really bad I could not open a bottle of water I could not lift anything I could hardly walk without tripping I had no strengh at all. Doctors said it is from SGN. So I had my 8th and last treatment in August 2010.

My hands didn't start to get better till 2 month after my 8 th one. They are progressing but very slowly. I almost have normal feeling in the right one. but the left hand is still a bit numb i say it did improve by 75% since i finished treatments.

Doctors said if I can tolerate the side effects it will go away in few months they can not be exact since each body tolerate things differently.They offered me a medication as a possible solution that might help but it had not so good side effects could make things worst. I said no thank you i can wait till they get better and save me from possible side effects.

My next PET scanner should be around the end of April. I just pray that everything is still the same and I hope that SGN35 will be available for all cancer patients who need it.

Thank you all for reading I tried to be brief but there is so much to talk about. Please if you any questions feel free to ask.

Marcel

Marcel Taking this blog over

2011-03-06T09:12:00.000-08:00

Hi everybody, I guess you all know who I am from the blog that my lovely wife created about me. I never found blogging interesting but i have none to do so I wanted to give it a shot.
I will be blogging about the craziest thing that goes threw my head. I don't care what people think of me because I am who I am, I say things the way i see them and proud of myself...
Enough about me bragging about myself, I like to start with the subject that got me interested in blogging.
I heard on some TV show that a new version (Updated as they said) of the Bible is gonna be out that will reveal a lot of important secrets about the catholic church. The Vatican is not forcing anyone to confirm the new version... here is what's intresting the church was slitted before over people wants to put statues in church and people who don't.... I mean how stupid is that .... the way I see it this new pope is bad news for the catholic church... The catholic church will split again between new version of the bible and old version of the bible......and of course in 200 years matter those 2 new religions will split in between them to become 10 to 15 new religion.... example old bible with statues.. old bible without statues...new Bible with ... new without.... that's what i could think of names from top of my head.

PS: Excuse my English sometimes.

Thanks for reading

3rd treatment...minimal side effects

2010-06-02T22:21:00.000-07:00

Marcel will get his 3rd SGN-35 treatment this comming monday (june 7th). all of the Hodgkins symptoms seem to have vanished. no more night sweats, severe pain in his chest, itching. we can still feel the tumors that are close to the skin, but they arent bothering him the way the used to. before he started this treatment he was between 10-15 oxycotin pills a day. he hasnt touched the pills for about 3 weeks now.

as far as side effects, they seem to be minimal. he had some pain in his shoulders and knees a few weeks ago, but they have dissapeard. for about a week a new side effect has popped up. when Marcel lifts his legs, his thighs are very sore. he notived this first when dressing one morning as he was getting dressed. he said its liveable...and only bothers him when hes getting dressed, undressed or putting his shoes and socks on. hopefully it will fade as well.

for his next treatment he will catch the train home (i'll be working and he doesnt want me to take more days off) his mother is visiting, and shes never been on a train. plus the last time he recieved the treatment, driving home he said he felt confused and thought he was gonna get in a accident. he didnt say anything to his mother because she doesnt know how to drive, and he didnt want to make her nervouse, but he was scared. weird thing is....he's had tons of chemo over the past years (some chemos were even 3 day infusions), and never had chemo brain. its odd that a bag that only takes 30 minutes to infuse would finally give it to him.

i hope everyone out there who is recieving treatment for any type of cancer will be healed!
also if anyone else is on SGN-35 please contact me. i dont know anyone else who i can talk to about this treatment.

wishing the best to everyone!

Marcel started his treatment

2010-05-03T14:57:00.000-07:00

I created this blog a few months ago because my husband relapsed…and Hodgkin’s lymphoma came back.

These past few months have been the most insane roller coaster of our lives. My husband was told he relapsed in January, and just last week (April 26) he started treatment.

We weren’t even sure what could be done. He already had 2 bone marrow transplants (1 auto, 1 allo; cells from his brother)…had every chemo…and even chemo’s created for him by his favorite Hodgkin’s specialist Dr. Sandra Horning.

So the only option was a clinical trial….and we almost lost that opportunity because he was taking immunosuppressant’s. they let us know he couldn’t participate in the trail….but by the grace of god, with help from Dr. Logan (only the most amazing man who actually answers all of our phone calls…and calls to check up on how marcel is doing). He is one of the assisting Dr.’s for Dr. Advani…and he really pushed for marcel to be in the trial….

These past months have been pure hell. We weren’t even sure he’d make it to treatment. Almost everyday the past month…my husband kept saying he could feel himself dying…. That really messed up my head. I couldn’t comprehend such a thing. The right side of his chest have visible tumor growth….if I put my hand there, its like a bunch of peanut M&M’s under his skin…I cant even touch that area because I start felling like I cant breath. It’s really hard to see your spouse going through such things…or to contemplate death….I can’t even begin imagine how he must feel.

So I’ll use this blog to write about his experience and progress with SGN-35….and also to write about how brain is wrapping around our life.
……………………………………………
Last Monday he had his first treatment. The weird thing compared to other chemo’s he’s received…this infusion only took 30 minutes (some of the chemo’s he’s had in the past were 24 hour infusions). But he spent all Monday at Stanford. They did an ECG on him for 2 hours…gave him the SGN-35, and then gave him another ECG for 2 more hours.

Then Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday he went each day for a 2 hour ECG. I have no idea why all the ECG’s…most likely because it’s a clinical trial.

We were told that many people had no side effects to the SGN-35…but I think he may be having some. For the past few days he’s been complaining of bone pain. And he has been having diarrhea …but hopefully these go away.

I’d really like to hear from anyone else who is doing SGN-35. I don’t know anyone personally who has ever done this treatment. I know that some respond…some people don’t… (I pray he responds)…. I’d just really like to find an internet support buddy…ha-ha. Preferably a spouse.. of someone who is going through the same thing.

I didn’t do much research on SGN-35 because we thought he didn’t qualify for the trial, so I put it out of my mind.
……………………………………………
My husband’s mother arrived in the states this past Saturday…so hopefully that lifts his spirits and helps aid in his recovery. She will be here for 2 months :)

Marcel will start his treatment soon!

2010-04-10T12:45:00.000-07:00

everyones prayers have done something special..
Marcel will begin the SGN-35 treatment on April 26th. i've been really nervouse about saying anything online...i've been avoiding blogger because i dont want to jinx anything.
i just really hope this happens...because my husband scan showed relapse in January...and he hasnt got any treatment yet.
things are getting pretty bad at home....i havent had a good night sleep in over a month. Marcels hodgkins is progressing really fast (months of not having any treatment will do that)....he is up all night itching, coughing, sweating...adn hes even been talking in his sleep so much latley. sometimes in the middle of the night he will just start talking to me, asking me questions. i will agree with anything he says, and once he woke up as we were talking and got mad at me for lying to him ..he asked me where we were gonna go...so i told him to san francisco. he sat up and asked, why i was playing with his head while he was sleeping? i tried to explain to him that i didnt want to wake him...so i just go with whatever he says...

i trully believe everyones prayers have trully been a blessing...because i'm honestly not sure how much longer Marcel can hold on without treatment. he's been asking me latley if he's dying. and i dont know what to say...so i tell him "every day everyones closer to death" ...i'm horriable with words in tough situations.

so his first appointment will be on April 21st to get his schedule for the SGN-35 ....i hope everything goes fine.

just one more thing...through all of this...Marcel has still been going to work everyday. he refuses to quit his job...he comes home exhausted, but he says its better than doing nothing.

a post from Marcel

2010-02-27T20:53:00.000-08:00

i just wanted to share a note my husband added to his facebook. i was surprised when i read because he usually keeps everything inside.
its pretty depressing , but i thought i'd let you see whats going on in his head.
thank you everyone for all of your prayers!

----------------Latest news about my sucky ass lifeShare

Saturday, February 20, 2010 at 6:21pm

oh boy long time i haven't write anything in here .... I don't know where to start!?!?!? 3 weeks ago doctors said my cancer is back,some news ha. so we made an apoitement with some leukimia doctor and the plan was to get on SGN35 clinical trial because basicaly i have done everything there to be done abvd , ice , something i forgot the name , bone marrow transplant , radiation , some chemo kocktail created just for me , radiation , another bone marrow transplant and some more radiation. After me beating cancer 3 times already now it is back. SO thursday the doctor calls me at 8:30 at night to let me know that i do not qualify for the sgn35 because i am still taking some medication for the second BMT, so now i have to wait till the first to do another scan and see if they can do a biopsy on my chest and then we will decide what to do. I mean they are out of options but they can not say that....

During all this time my faith went down i almost stopped beliving in god... and now my faith is still shaky... i never asked why this is hapening to me but this time i do i want to know... I pray for god i had so much faith i had so much belive , i always was there whenever anyone needed me .... i just don't understand how this god function... and everyone keep talking about oh god said this oh god said that .... well why the hell god is not there for me when i need him ??? i always prayed for him and belived and argued with people for his name... i always thanked him in good times and bad times... like where is his justice that he keep talking about and everyone keep talking about .... where the hell is he while everything bad is happening to me... where is he all my life i had to work hard since i was a kid and now am sick like a dog and am still working and i am still trying to restore my faith but why?

i want to know what is so horrible i have done that these terrible things keep hapening to me???

IF GOD IS REALLY THERE HE HAVE TO HELP ME OUT BECAUSE I CAN NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE I HAVE DONE SO MUCH AND PRAYED SO MUCH AND I NEVER COMPLAINED ABOUT ANYTHING AND YET NOTHING GOOD CAME BACK TO ME IN RETURN AND YES IT IS TIME TO COMPLAIN FOR 4 YEARS AND I AM AWAY FROM EVERYTHING I LOVE TO DO ... WHY ALL THIS PUNISHMENT .... WHY DOESN'T HE PUNISH PEOPLE WHO RAPE AND MURDER OTHERS PEOPLE WHO STEAL FROM POOR PEOPLE OR PEOPLE WHO SLICE OTHERS BRUTALY ....... WHERE IS THE JUSTICE AND THE FAIRNESS HERE???

AGAIN IF GOD THERE I WOULD LIKE TO MEET HIM BCZ I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS.

-------------------

looks like SGN-35 isnt going to be our cure

2010-02-19T22:39:00.000-08:00

i was so excited earlier this week. i was going scan marcels treatment shcedule and post it.....unfortunatly last night we receieved a call from one of the doctors (from Dr. Advanis team). he told Marcel that he couldnt do the SGN-35 because he was still taking immunosupressants. he's currently on 200 mg a day..but is only allowed to taped 25 mg a week..and maybe not all the way or else he could get severe graft vs host(that means that his cells and his donors cells will have a war inside of Marcels body).
so where are we at? we have no idea.
all we know for sure is that Marcel has a another scan scheduled for March 1st.
i'm really depressed...and trying to not let my husband see what a basket case i've become....but its hard. his symptoms are exhausting him...and he has so much pain in his chest.
im just praying for a miracle.

SGN-35

2010-02-10T17:52:00.000-08:00

Today Marcel finally seen his oncologist. (they canceled the one he was supposed to have on monday).
i dont have much news to offer because i'm not sure i completely understand enough.
what i do know is ....that the best option he has is to be part of a clinical trial.
SGN-35 is the name of the drug they want to give him. it hasnt been approved by the FDA yet. but its showing promising results. Dr.Advani said that 40% of people in Marcels situation respond to this drug.

before marcel had his most recent bone marrow transplant, SGN-35 was something that they were looking at for him...so we've heard the name before, just have no info on it.

so im on a internet scavenger hunt for info :)

i've still been learning about the alkaline diet as well...and have decided i will change my kitchen into a alkaline friendly food place starting the 1st of March. i will write more about that later.
......
this week a friend (who is undergoing treatment for breast cancer) lost her husband to lukemia. i feel really bad, because what do you say to someone who just lost their spouse? i only know her online...but i'd like to send her something appropriate..any suggestions?

Appointment with Dr.Advani

2010-01-27T15:24:00.000-08:00

We are still waiting for the appointment maker to call us about his Appt. he needs with Dr. Advani.

Marcel is sad that his previous Lymphoma oncologist (Sandra Horning) is no longer here at Stanford. She was amazing! She had battled cancer once (not sure what type). She was the #2 Hodgkin’s doctor in the world. When marcel went to see her 2 years ago, she created a personalized chemo for Marcel, and it knocked the cancer out in 2 treatments (they were just planning the cancer to shrink to prepare for the BMT). We found out that she left to work for a pharmaceutical company  hopefully she is creating new chemo’s that will save many lives! She was all about the patient, Marcel loved this because he was used to the Dr.’s talking to his father when we lived in Lebanon….then when we arrived in the states, most of his Dr.’s would speak to me…I have no idea why??? But Dr. Horning would give me a small “Hi” and focus completely on Marcel…and if I interrupted, she gave me a look, and then turned her whole body toward Marcel. I know it doesn’t sound nice, basically since she was a patient once, she knew the ins and outs.

Waiting is the worst… it’s been driving my mind crazy. But in the craziness I’ve tried to be a little pro-active.

Has anyone ever watched Dr. OZ? I don’t watch prime time TV much because I’m always at work….but I usually catch Thursday episodes of Dr. OZ. The stuff he puts on his show always gets me thinking about healthier ways to live. Well on a recent episode he was talking about the “Alkaline Diet”. It’s not really a diet; it’s more like choosing the foods that are best for your body’s PH system. And he made a statement that makes me want to live this diet in our home. He said “if I had cancer, I would be on the alkaline diet” I don’t know much about it, but basically everything we eat is either an acid or an alkaline. He said that the reason no one ever gets heart cancer, is because of the PH system in the heart is Alkaline. Supposedly the best foods to eat are alkaline and ideally we should be eating 80% alkaline and 20% acid. I will research this all week…and see how it works. I think that I may even keep track of our menu here. When we start it.

…..

I just got a call from the appointment setter; his appointment is February 8th at 9:15am…..

……………………………………

I just want to thank everyone for all of your prayers and kind wishes. It really means a lot to both Marcel and me. Monday I showed him both this blog and my personal blog…honestly, he was crying when he read the kinds words of those he doesn’t even know. It means so much!

Thank you all!

the short story.....

2010-01-21T08:21:00.000-08:00

i decided to start this blog so that i can be open and honest about my husbands journey with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. to begain with i will copy and past a post i made yesterday on my personal blog.

.................................................
Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Marcel relapsed

if youve read my blog for a while..you know all of the struggles my husband has been through.

i'm at work...and just got back from Marcels follow up Dr. appt to give the results of his recent scan. he relapsed and has Hodgkins Lymphoma again.

what does this mean for him...i have no idea.

Marcel was first diagnosed in Lebanon on his birthday in April 2006. we think he may have had it since the summer of 2005, because thats when we noticed swollen lymph nodes under his armpit. he casually asked a pharmacist and they told him it was an infection so they gave him antibiotics. (anyone who lives in Lebanon knows that many people use the pharmacys as a advice nurse, and usually treat themselves because many drugs dont need an actual prescription).

he started chemo in Lebanon, and in July 2006 when the war happened, we came back to States durring the evacuation. he only missed his next chemo by a few days...and then he was set up here with a new doctor and resumed treatment. so from August 2006-October 2006 he was getting his basic chemo...then they told us the cancer was growing. they started giving him a series of high dose chemo..and in december 2006 they reffered us Stanford and told us he needed a bone marrow transplant. so the long journey begain. he had his first bone marrow transplant in march 2007. they used his own cells for this. he received a clean scan in august 2007. in spring of 2008 he had a follow up scan. it came up very bad....so they told him he needed another bone marrow transplant using his brothers cells. first they let him return to lebanon for 2 weeks before starting treatment (just in case). they gave him a lot of high dose chemo...and then in august 2008 prepared him for his 2nd BMT. he received his brothers cells in september 2008.

since then he has had scans every 6 months..and we are always so grateful to get good news.

today they told us the scan showed new growth in random places.

the plan right now is...he will see the hodgkins Dr. within 3 weeks...and return to his BMT doctor within 6 weeks. she (his BMT Dr.Laport) said she's like him to get more chemo and then go from their..maybe even start out with an oral chemo??? we've never heard of chemo in a pill. but we'll see what it does.

honestly i dont even know what i feel. i dont think he knows what he feels eaither so i will wait to ask him. give it some time to digest.

please no matter your relgion....please keep my husband in your prayers.

i know that so many people out there have things worse..and were lucky to have some options left. i know that we are blessed...but i dont want my husband to go through this anymore...i want him healthy!