a post from Marcel

i just wanted to share a note my husband added to his facebook. i was surprised when i read because he usually keeps everything inside.
its pretty depressing , but i thought i'd let you see whats going on in his head.
thank you everyone for all of your prayers!



----------------Latest news about my sucky ass lifeShare


Saturday, February 20, 2010 at 6:21pm

oh boy long time i haven't write anything in here .... I don't know where to start!?!?!? 3 weeks ago doctors said my cancer is back,some news ha. so we made an apoitement with some leukimia doctor and the plan was to get on SGN35 clinical trial because basicaly i have done everything there to be done abvd , ice , something i forgot the name , bone marrow transplant , radiation , some chemo kocktail created just for me , radiation , another bone marrow transplant and some more radiation. After me beating cancer 3 times already now it is back. SO thursday the doctor calls me at 8:30 at night to let me know that i do not qualify for the sgn35 because i am still taking some medication for the second BMT, so now i have to wait till the first to do another scan and see if they can do a biopsy on my chest and then we will decide what to do. I mean they are out of options but they can not say that....



During all this time my faith went down i almost stopped beliving in god... and now my faith is still shaky... i never asked why this is hapening to me but this time i do i want to know... I pray for god i had so much faith i had so much belive , i always was there whenever anyone needed me .... i just don't understand how this god function... and everyone keep talking about oh god said this oh god said that .... well why the hell god is not there for me when i need him ??? i always prayed for him and belived and argued with people for his name... i always thanked him in good times and bad times... like where is his justice that he keep talking about and everyone keep talking about .... where the hell is he while everything bad is happening to me... where is he all my life i had to work hard since i was a kid and now am sick like a dog and am still working and i am still trying to restore my faith but why?



i want to know what is so horrible i have done that these terrible things keep hapening to me???



IF GOD IS REALLY THERE HE HAVE TO HELP ME OUT BECAUSE I CAN NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE I HAVE DONE SO MUCH AND PRAYED SO MUCH AND I NEVER COMPLAINED ABOUT ANYTHING AND YET NOTHING GOOD CAME BACK TO ME IN RETURN AND YES IT IS TIME TO COMPLAIN FOR 4 YEARS AND I AM AWAY FROM EVERYTHING I LOVE TO DO ... WHY ALL THIS PUNISHMENT .... WHY DOESN'T HE PUNISH PEOPLE WHO RAPE AND MURDER OTHERS PEOPLE WHO STEAL FROM POOR PEOPLE OR PEOPLE WHO SLICE OTHERS BRUTALY ....... WHERE IS THE JUSTICE AND THE FAIRNESS HERE???





AGAIN IF GOD THERE I WOULD LIKE TO MEET HIM BCZ I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS.



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looks like SGN-35 isnt going to be our cure

i was so excited earlier this week. i was going scan marcels treatment shcedule and post it.....unfortunatly last night we receieved a call from one of the doctors  (from Dr. Advanis team). he told Marcel that he couldnt do the SGN-35 because he was still taking immunosupressants. he's currently on 200 mg a day..but is only allowed to taped 25 mg a week..and maybe not all the way or else he could get severe graft vs host(that means that his cells and his donors cells will have a war inside of Marcels body).
so where are we at? we have no idea.
all we know for sure is that Marcel has a another scan scheduled for March 1st.
i'm really depressed...and trying to not let my husband see what a basket case i've become....but its hard.  his symptoms are exhausting him...and he has so much pain in his chest.
im just praying for a miracle.

SGN-35

Today Marcel finally seen his oncologist. (they canceled the one he was supposed to have on monday).
i dont have much news to offer because i'm not sure i completely understand enough.
what i do know is ....that the best option he has is to be part of a clinical trial. 
SGN-35 is the name of the drug they want to give him.  it hasnt been approved by the FDA yet. but its showing promising results. Dr.Advani said that 40% of people in Marcels situation respond to this drug.


before marcel had his most recent bone marrow transplant, SGN-35 was something that they were looking at for him...so we've heard the name before, just have no info on it.


so im on a internet scavenger hunt for info :)


i've still been learning about the alkaline diet as well...and have decided i will change my kitchen into a alkaline friendly food place starting the 1st of March.  i will write more about that later.
......
this week a friend (who is undergoing treatment for breast cancer) lost her husband to lukemia. i feel really bad, because what do you say to someone who just lost their spouse?  i only know her online...but i'd like to send her something appropriate..any suggestions?