i just wanted to share a note my husband added to his facebook. i was surprised when i read because he usually keeps everything inside.
its pretty depressing , but i thought i'd let you see whats going on in his head.
thank you everyone for all of your prayers!
----------------Latest news about my sucky ass lifeShare
Saturday, February 20, 2010 at 6:21pm
oh boy long time i haven't write anything in here .... I don't know where to start!?!?!? 3 weeks ago doctors said my cancer is back,some news ha. so we made an apoitement with some leukimia doctor and the plan was to get on SGN35 clinical trial because basicaly i have done everything there to be done abvd , ice , something i forgot the name , bone marrow transplant , radiation , some chemo kocktail created just for me , radiation , another bone marrow transplant and some more radiation. After me beating cancer 3 times already now it is back. SO thursday the doctor calls me at 8:30 at night to let me know that i do not qualify for the sgn35 because i am still taking some medication for the second BMT, so now i have to wait till the first to do another scan and see if they can do a biopsy on my chest and then we will decide what to do. I mean they are out of options but they can not say that....
During all this time my faith went down i almost stopped beliving in god... and now my faith is still shaky... i never asked why this is hapening to me but this time i do i want to know... I pray for god i had so much faith i had so much belive , i always was there whenever anyone needed me .... i just don't understand how this god function... and everyone keep talking about oh god said this oh god said that .... well why the hell god is not there for me when i need him ??? i always prayed for him and belived and argued with people for his name... i always thanked him in good times and bad times... like where is his justice that he keep talking about and everyone keep talking about .... where the hell is he while everything bad is happening to me... where is he all my life i had to work hard since i was a kid and now am sick like a dog and am still working and i am still trying to restore my faith but why?
i want to know what is so horrible i have done that these terrible things keep hapening to me???
IF GOD IS REALLY THERE HE HAVE TO HELP ME OUT BECAUSE I CAN NOT TAKE IT ANYMORE I HAVE DONE SO MUCH AND PRAYED SO MUCH AND I NEVER COMPLAINED ABOUT ANYTHING AND YET NOTHING GOOD CAME BACK TO ME IN RETURN AND YES IT IS TIME TO COMPLAIN FOR 4 YEARS AND I AM AWAY FROM EVERYTHING I LOVE TO DO ... WHY ALL THIS PUNISHMENT .... WHY DOESN'T HE PUNISH PEOPLE WHO RAPE AND MURDER OTHERS PEOPLE WHO STEAL FROM POOR PEOPLE OR PEOPLE WHO SLICE OTHERS BRUTALY ....... WHERE IS THE JUSTICE AND THE FAIRNESS HERE???
AGAIN IF GOD THERE I WOULD LIKE TO MEET HIM BCZ I HAVE SOME QUESTIONS THAT NEED ANSWERS.
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6 comments:
Oh dear, he is so sad . but no one can blame him, it's hard and tough and need the strength to go on, to fight hard.
Angie, are not there any groups for supporting patients with cancer that he can join. He needs to be around people who knows his pain more, people who have cancer more than once, who fought and fought and win.
I will always pray for him and you and your son to be able to pass this journey .
Be optimistic dear, things will be good :)
I cried. I cannot say anything else. I'm so sorry that this happens to ur wonderful hubby. But everything will get better. God is fair. I make du'a for ur fmly.
OMG poor man.
Angie the reality is and you need to share this w/ Marcel.
HE IS GOING TO DIE!
As are you, as am I?
!
I know his battle is terrible but he needs to not question God, but to see indeed that as wonderful a man he may have been in mans terms.
God said That Islam is the only religion that he accepts.
I know I know you'll blast me or not even post this.
I will tell you the truth. MOST MUSLIMS SUCK. Islam is the only accepted religion by God.
PLEASE PLEASE ANGIE get a Quran, and read it with him. What have you got to lose?
If Im wrong no harm done, If Im right, AND I AM RIGHT then he will die, go to heaven and so will you if you are lucky and embrace Islam.
This life is nothing but a test, to see who will submit and who will not. Islam means submission to Gods will.
Angie there r lots of Arabs who embrace Islam.
Marcel would me so lucky if Allah (glorified be he) allowed him to be a Muslim.
HIS TIME IS LIMITED. ALL OF OURS IS LIMITED! but lets face it, he has a death sentence on his hands. He needs to start investigating about the next world. All suffering in this world is nothing compared to the hell or bliss that starts when we die.
I am sorry to scare you but u HAVE TO ACT FAST! Pray and ask God to guide you. Investigate every religion if you want, just start with Islam. Just read the Quran and forget everything you have ever heard or known of Muslims, because most of them are not Muslims but hypocrites.
Someone ha authored this book The Quran, that "being" has told mankind, who he is, what he wants, and what happens to those who submit or refuse. NO OTHER BOOK DOES.
Angie you will see in every other book, even the Bible that noone is claiming to be God but in the Quran Allah says (Sura Ta Ha (#20) 20:14 " Verily I am Allah: there is no God but I: so serve me (only)and establish regular prayer for celebrating my praise."
20:15" Verily the hour (day of Judgment) is coming- My design is to keep it hidden (its exact time)- for every soul to receive its award (or punishment) by the measurement of its endeavor."
20:16 Therefore let not such as believe not (In Islam)but follow their own lusts, divert you therefrom- lest you perish!"
ANGIE AND MARCEL it is obligatory to believe that Allah is the one and only God who deserves to me worshiped (in the order that he commanded)and that Muhammad was the last Messenger or Prophet, in order to enter heaven and not hell
If someone claims to be God [AND AGAIN IN NO OTHER BOOK DOES ANYONE ADDRESS MANKIND AND SAY I AM GOD( jesus didnt say it,buddha didnt say it, joseph smith didnt say it)] I think we should all look into those claims, and decide if it is true or not. PEOPLE say that Jesus was God, PEOPLE say that God is God, ALLAH (S.w.t.) said he IS GOD.
Were all going to die Angie and Marcel, Allah doesnt die.
Marcel, I know you are in pain. I have been there before TRUST ME, very few people have experienced the physical pain I have. But you have to know 1 thing. This pain hurts alot but its not reality.
REAL LIFE STARTS WHEN YOU DIE.
Take it or leave it.
Angie this is your blog, you may post this or not, but please be fair to Marcel and give him the message, let him read it for himself.
Allah didnt place us on this earth and give us no direction or manual, some people just never look for it. We do indeed have directions for how we are to live our life. And as long as you have breathe in your chest, it is not too late.
I pray that Marcel, Angie, and myself to live the rest of our lives and die as Muslims (THOSE WHO SUBMIT TO ALLAHS WILL) (not those named Abdulla or Muhammad and dont act on it) ameen.
Angie, my dear, this is heartbreaking. Ihave two emotions here. When I read this, I thank God that he articulates these things (in his words), he needs to do this, and I am sure it was a long time coming.
You are a wonderful supportive wife, and I cannot know how anyone goes through these emotions.
If I can make a suggestion, I think it might be good for Marcel to write to your son. To write a few thoughts everyday in a journal for your son, because he is still young and I am sure he is greatly impacted.
Please take care my dear.
Greetings, I am sorry to read of your husband's condition. We are praying for him and that his faith would remain strong. God loves you and God loves your husband. I am also sorry to see that people have spoken death over this circumstance. God is faithful. In all things, do not fear. I want to share Our Story with you of how the Lord healed us of the incurable and blessed us with 4 children. After you read Our Story, if you would like, you or Marcel may contact me I will be happy to pray with your or encourage you.
I understand where Marcel is coming from, but blaming God isnt the answer. Neither is the post above telling everyone to convert to Islam or roast in hell.
It is those kind of statements that send people RUNNING from religion, no matter which kind of religion it is.
I buried my mother in law about a week ago. Jumping into the bottom of a 6 foot hole certainly was an experience for me as an American. We dont get that close to death here.
As I held her body and lowered it into the grave, I remember thinking how wide and comfortable the grave seemed. It might sound wierd, but that is how I felt.
I really thought before hand I would be afraid of the whole thing. Handling a dead body, being in a grave, ect. But I wasnt. It actually gave me a new appreciate for life, but at the same time helped make me more comfortable with death.
Anyway, God is there for you. We, as humans, just dont always understand what His plan is for us.
Sometimes God allows us to suffer in this life to remove any sins we might have done and to clear the path to heaven for us in the next life. It might seem as if God doesnt like us, but that isnt the case. He loves us all and what you go through in this life will surely be made up for in what you get in the next life!
Some people get everything in this life and get nothing in the next life. People like yourself, and myself, who have had to work for everything their entire life, will get it in the next life. As I got older I learned to accept this fact.
So it isnt that you have done anything horible, rather God loves you greatly.
Everyone gets what they deserve, whether it is in this life or the next. Of that have faith.
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